It's Called a Web Log

I hate internet shorthand. It drives me crazy. It has to stop.

I got tricked by it when I was young. I discovered the internet back before many of you, I'll wager, even knew what a computer was, and before the rest of you knew how to use one. I got into this shit back when 1200 bits per second was fast (that's 1,200 bits, compared to something like 3 to 10 MILLION bits per second, that today's cable and DSL services can achieve).

So, I've been internetting for a while. Okay. I was young back then. I thought "lol" and the like (didn't see much "omg" back then) were cool. I was known to use a "brb" or a "bbl" or something more often than not. I could write all kinds of jacked up emoticons (making :) look 19th-centuryish). But then, something amazing happened.

I grew up.

If one is older than twelve years old, one should not be mistreating the English language in such a way. Lots of our ancestors went to a lot of trouble to shape our language into something useful. While it was left open to adapt and evolve, I'm pretty sure no one had "wtf" or "n00b" in mind.

I've heard of being young at heart, but for Christ's sake. If you're not twelve, write with a little dignity, please. Some people have said to me, "It's the internet. We don't have to try. We can be lazy here."

WRONG.

It's the English language, whether it's in a book, on the TV, a street sign, a store sign, or the internet. Treat it with respect. It's the only language you've got (this does not apply to those talented over-achievers out there who can speak two or more languages).

That brings me to the two worst culprits of this bastardization of the English language: "podcast," "blog" and all the derivatives therein.

PODCAST
Our first perp, "podcast," is a pretentious offender. It is derived from the ubiquitous iPod that Apple has successfully shoved down our collective throats over the past seven years. The very nature of "podcast" suggests that there are no other mp3 players that have existed or will exist.

That's all a "podcast" is. It's an mp3. You can play it on your computer, you can play it on the thousands of brands of mp3 players (gasp, yes, they do exist) other than Apple's iPod. Some lucky folks out there can even play them in their car without the use of an iPod or any other mp3 player.

I'll spare you how several brands of players out there are actually better than an iPod and how iTunes is the devil. That's another topic for another day. "Podcast" is an arrogant, assumptive title for a piece of media that can be played on many different devices. It's like calling "software" a "computer program" because you can only run it on a computer...

...oh, wait.

BLOG
"Blog" is often seen wreaking havoc in the streets of the English Language, hand-in-hand with "podcast." It's even worse than "podcast," though, because at least "podcast" is a genuine compound word ("pod" and "cast" - both real words). "Blog" is something totally different. A mutated, reject of a word.

No one but the likes of Dr. Frankenstein could take one letter from a real word (weB) and the whole word from, er, another word (log) and create an unholy amalgam of letters that flips off the English language anytime anyone utters it. It's a wonder the villagers haven't hunted it down, yet.

Oh, that's because everyone and their mother writes a blog -- I'm sorry web_log -- these days. Like "podcast," it distracts the general populace from it's blatant raping of English with the cool concept to which it's attached.

The creation of "blog" reminds me of an episode of Star Trek called "The Omega Glory." The people on the planet the Enterprise was visiting had a copy of the Declaration of Independence, but they didn't understand how the letters were grouped together, so they were pronouncing it differently. They came up with "blog." Kirk set 'em straight, though, and I'm going to set you straight, now.

"But, Ipsy," you might say. "You have a blog, you idiot." No, I have a web_log. But, I am an idiot. You might go on to add, "Ipsy, your web_log is hosted by Blogger. You're a hypocrite!" All right, well, you have me there. But, I'd argue that I never have had a problem with the concept of an online journal. Clearly I don't; I'm using one. I went with this site because the few other web_logs I visit seem to be hosted here, too. It was a matter of convenience. Sue me.

What it all boils down to is this: on the Internet, until very recently (thanks, YouTube), all we've had to express our thoughts was the written word. I, for one, like to be taken seriously when expressing my thoughts, unless I distinctly point out otherwise (and I will, a lot; don't worry).

I guess I'm old-fashioned, but I think twelve year old girls should sound like twelve year old girls. Adults should write and express themselves like adults.

Not like twelve year old girls.